


Whatever She Needs

by Sunburnt_Optimist



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, First Time, G!p Lexa, Indra's basically a pimp, Romantic Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-19 17:16:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22346716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunburnt_Optimist/pseuds/Sunburnt_Optimist
Summary: G!P Lexa is going through puberty, which is impeding her duties of commander. Indra has the brilliant idea of asking her personal handmaid, Clarke, to help out with the issue.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 110
Kudos: 1034





	1. An awkward conversation

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should be updating my other fics, but I wanted to write this. Let me know if you want it to continue!  
> (p.s I haven't given up on my other fics, I've just been stuck in a rut!)

It was early morning when Clarke left her cosy house for work. And the streets of Polis were quiet with most of the city still asleep in their beds. It had always been her favourite time of the day. When the sun slowly crept up the sky and peeked through the buildings with a soft suggestion to rise. 

She readjusted her bag on her shoulder and looked in awe at the Polis tower, where she was headed to start the day. It looked more approachable in the mornings, when the still lit candles on each of it’s many balconies matched the colour of the rich sun and brought the tower to life. 

She knew that the commander would be awake by the time she got there, if she wasn’t already. It was why she was always early. Being Lexa’s personal handmaid was an important job to Clarke, and even though she didn’t have to be there until later, she made it was her duty to be available for service at all times of the day and night. 

She had been thinking about how to braid Lexa’s hair that day when she first walked into the tower, offering the two guards a smile that was returned in kind. Her mind then wandered off to what Lexa had for breakfast the previous day so she knew to ask for something different from the kitchen that morning. Eggs, bread and fruit will suffice today, she told herself. 

She waited in front of the elevator, trying to decide if she should go straight to the kitchen or see if Lexa had any of her own requests for food when Titus appeared. 

“I suggest you go to the kitchens and give the commander a little bit more time this morning. Have Ruth make you something, and eat it slowly.” 

His suggestions were always more than just suggestions, they were demands wrapped in a bow to seem less imposing. She wanted to suggest that he find a new oil for his bald head that didn’t make it look like a polished gem. Though she wouldn’t be surprised if that was his intention. 

What she found odd though, was his offer for breakfast. He would normally frown upon the use of the commanders supplies for staff. 

“But she’s probably already hungry. And I don’t want her to have to start her day late because I didn’t bring her breakfast straight away.” She knew she should have just done what he asked. It was the smart thing to do. But she really did care about the commanders wellbeing after being in her service for half of their lives. 

Titus huffed so forcefully he could have blown out the flame of a candle. She could tell he had been ready to turn around and wasn’t expecting a rebuttal. He towered over her when he replied. 

“Has Indra spoken to you yet?”

She was confused by the sudden change in conversation topic, but went along with it despite her need to get the commanders breakfast ready. 

“Indra hasn’t spoken to me in some time. She only comes to me directly if there’s something serious.” Her heart dropped when she said the words out loud. “Is Lexa ok?” 

It was unprofessional of her to ask that, especially to someone of Titus’s status. She convinced herself that the worry was to do with her duty, and not her feelings for the commander herself. Titus grit his teeth and looked almost annoyed to be having the conversation. 

“Change of plan. Go eat some breakfast, then while Ruth is making the commanders breakfast, go and see Indra.” 

He turned and walked away before she had a chance to ask any follow up questions. Her first thought was to go directly to Lexa first. She knew that the commander cared about her in some capacity and would see that nothing serious happened to her. They had known each other for 8 years after all. But if she was sick, or injured then she needed to speak to Indra first about how to best take care of her. 

\-----

Clarke ate her breakfast quickly. Shovelling more forkfuls of eggs into her mouth then she could handle. She coughed a couple of times but made it a point to finish everything. The last thing she needed was for Titus to say she went against his orders. Though she refused to eat slowly. Did lexa have an appointment with the Nyko this morning, and Titus didn’t want me there? Normally the commander wouldn’t mind her sitting in because the treatment of her battle wounds generally involved her. 

She reminded Ruth of Lexa’s breakfast order around a mouth full of eggs while she was already half way out the door. She could see that the sun had fully risen when she took the elevator up to the floor underneath Lexa’s to Indra’s quarters. It made her nervous in a way she had never felt before. Not once had she ever been late for work, and even though she had good reasons, it didn’t help the feeling of how far behind she would already be. 

Indra’s door was open when she approached it, and she could hear Titus whispering at the highest octave possible from inside. 

“It’s completely unorthodox. She doesn’t need it!” He whisper shouted.

Clarke stood next to the door in the hall, not knowing if she should interrupt the conversation. But at the same time, she also wanted to know what it was about.

“She is completely unbalanced and it’s effecting her focus. She’s 16 now. It’s time. It has worked for past commanders and this will be no different.” 

Indra’s voice was as calm and demanding as an ancient river. The polar opposite of Titus.

“Fine. But have you spoken to Alexandria about it yet? And why Clarke of all people?” Titus’s voice, filled with distain dropped as if he was actually trying to whisper again, but Clarke was close enough to hear still. 

Her blood boiled at the mention of herself not being good enough for whatever the were talking about. She knew Lexa better than anyone. She could and would handle anything the commander needed. 

“She was her only choice. But only if Clarke herself agreed.”

The room went silent, not even the sound of shuffling bodies could be heard. Clarke worried that she would be found eavesdropping if she didn’t move. So she took a few steps away from the door and approached as if she only just arrived. She raised her hand to knock on the door, but dropped it when two sets of eyes landed on her. Titus’s stare was so fierce she could almost feel it on her skin. 

None of them said anything despite her appearance. Clarke cleared her throat. “Indra, Titus said you wanted to see me?” 

She kept her eyes focused on Indra and ignored Titus altogether, worried that she might say something to him that could land her in hot water. 

Indra looked over towards Titus. “I wish to speak to Clarke about this alone. The topic is already uncomfortable, and if the commander knew there were discussions being made she would not be impressed.” 

Titus nodded and left the room, but not before levelling Clarke with one more glare as if it was the last word of a conversation that never begun. 

“Close the door.” Indra instructed as she took a seat on a comfortable looking lounge chair. When she had done so, Indra then silently directed her to the chair opposite her, separated only by a small table. 

Clarke had never been inside Indra’s living quarters before. They were large and filled with everything someone could ever need or want. Though it was still a great deal smaller than the space Lexa had to call her own. The commander had a separate room for every function. 

“Before I start, I need to make sure that this conversation will never leave the room. You may not discuss it with friends or family, and not even Titus if he asks.”

Clarke didn’t think it necessary to point out that she only had a handful of friends and she never saw them because she was too busy with work, and her parents had both died a few years ago in a war against Azgeda. She had no uncles, aunts or cousins either. Her job was her life, so the response came easily.

“You have my word. I swear it.” 

Indra seemed pleased and visibly relaxed, letting more of her weight droop into the chair. 

“It is also important for you to know that what I am about to ask of you is not part of your job description, and you can decline with no punishment.”

Clarke couldn’t think of a single thing she would deny her commander. She was sure she looked puzzled as her face creased in inquiry. Her instinct would have always been to accept straight away, but there was something about this that had her hesitate.

“Ok?” 

Indra shook her head as if she couldn’t believe she was having such a conversation. But she held Clarke’s gaze like the proud woman she was. 

“You may or may not be aware, but for the past year the commander has been more on edge then usual. Quicker in making decisions and passing judgement on issues that should be carefully thought out. I am aware that it is a passing issue, but there is something we can do to speed it along. The clans don’t have years to wait.”

Clarke had noticed some changes to Lexa. Some that she has trouble admitting to herself without crossing any lines. 

“Ok?” Clarke repeated, confusion and worry building. 

Indra released a deep breath, her eyes still never once leaving Clarke.

“The people of the old world called it puberty. She is having issues keeping her desires at bay. They are making her lash out for no reason. When I tried to talk to her about it, she got embarrassed and said she had no time for such things.” Indra cleared her throat.

“I think that the issue lies with her not properly knowing how to deal with the situation. Though she never admitted it. So, I offhandedly suggested she ask someone to help her. Not to teach her, but to deal with the issue faster by putting it in someone else’s hands.”

Clarke didn’t know how to react. She was frozen solid to her chair, but her body felt warm in a way that only happens when she lets her mind wander too far. How was she supposed to respond to that? Her sexual experience was probably as limited as Lexa’s. Because when the commander was busy, so was Clarke. She had no time to go out and seek companionship. And she doesn’t count her own exploration late at night with her fingers as experience. Especially when it was known that the commander had the opposite set of equipment down below to most women. 

So, she simply asked. “Why me?” Even though she had already heard Indra say that Lexa had requested her. She wanted to hear it again. It was thrilling to know that the commander wanted her in the same way she fantasied about Lexa in. 

“You grew up together. She trusts you, and I’m sure that feeling is mutual. This needs to be done with the utmost discretion. No one can know.” Indra shrugged.

It wasn’t the answer she was expecting. Wasn’t the answer she craved to hear again. She worried that if she accepted too eagerly that it would somehow get back to Lexa that she was desperate. Or that the true extent of her feelings would come to the surface to bite her in the ass. She had to treat it like any other task she completed for Lexa. 

She pretended to ponder over it. Feigned disinterest when her heart was beating so hard she was worried Indra would see it thumping against her chest. 

“I don’t trust anyone else to do it. So.. I will.” 

Indra returned to her previous relaxed state and ran a hand down her face as if she needed to physically brush off her worry. 

“Thank you, Clarke. Lexa’s breakfast has already been delivered to her, and I advised her to take the morning off. I told her I would send you to her once we had a chance to talk. You may tell her your decision yourself.” 

Indra got up and opened the door, standing beside it so Clarke knew she wasn’t going to follow and that their conversation was finished. The door shut behind her as soon as she stepped to the other side, but she didn’t move straight away. 

She had no idea how to broach the conversation with Lexa. If she said nothing, it would be a clear dismissal. But she couldn’t exactly just come out and say “Lets do this” either. 

Clarke knew this would be the most challenging day of work she had ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have a discussion. Full of fluff! Smut in the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope there aren't too many mistakes. I really need to start proof reading, but I get too excited to post when it's finished.

Clarke was nervous as the elevator grinded to a halt after what felt like seconds. Normally she would hate the long trip from the ground level to Lexa’s rooms, delaying her from the start of her shift. But for the first time ever she hoped it would take longer. It was almost instantaneous and had her wishing she took the stairs for the first time in her life. 

As she stepped out of the elevator she was filled with a strange sense of being caught between not wanting to be any later for work, and not knowing what to say when she walked through the door. It was easier when she told herself it was part of her job. Well, not THAT – but it was her job to make sure the commander had everything she needed. 

The sound of porcelain hitting the ground from Lexa’s room made the easy decision for Clarke. She ran down the short hallway from the elevator and barged through the door to Lexa’s dining room. It was the first room you’d go into, with the living quarters kept separate. Lexa wanted it that way so if she invited anyone over for dinner, she didn’t feel like she was inviting them into her space. 

Lexa was crouched in front of a broken tea pot, trying to scoop up the shattered porcelain from the now stained white animal furs that were large enough to reach a few steps away from the monstrous table. She must have realised she had no where to put it, because she looked lost despite being somewhere familiar. 

She visibly relaxed when she caught sight of Clarke, but that quickly turned to embarrassment. Her eyes scanned the mess she had made while she uselessly held pieces of the broken teapot in her hands. Clarke loved that she got to see this side of Lexa. Not the harsh commander the tribes feared, the one that never made mistakes, not even simple ones. 

Lexa looked soft in that moment, dressed in light, casual clothes one might use for hunting small game. Her hair was tied back in a simple plait that was lazily slung over her left shoulder. Another thing few people ever saw. 

“Clarke.. I’m sorry. I was trying to make myself some tea, but I didn’t realise the handle was so hot.” Lexa looked down to her hands as if it would explain everything, but Clarke saw nothing but the shrapnel that had managed to create small rivulets of black blood on the commander’s palms. 

It wasn’t bad enough to worry about, she could deal with the small wounds easily without the need for a healer. She ignored the butterflies in her stomach that appreciated how open and beautiful Lexa looked. So, she focused instead on cleaning up the mess. 

“It’s ok. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here earlier. Titus stopped me at the elevator going up.” Clarke smiled apologetically at Lexa, who’s green eyes were unfairly vibrant. 

Lexa looked down at the mention of Titus, and Clarke saw a blush creep up her neck. Instead of taking the conversation any further, Clarke took the rubbish from Lexa’s hands to take to the bin in the corner of the room. 

“Careful” Lexa warned, as if the teapot was going to attack Clarke. 

She wanted to laugh, but she refrained. Lexa was the commander after all. 

Clarke cleaned the rest of the mess while Lexa stook awkwardly off to the side, lifting her hand every now and again as if she was going to say something, but never did. She placed a few of the heavy clothes they put out for guests onto the stain to try it out, then stood to walk back over to the door. 

“I’ll just go get another teapot.” Clarke pointed with her thumb to the door behind her, her torso still facing Lexa. 

“Wait.” Lexa finally spoke. “I don’t really feel like tea anymore. Stay, please?” 

She didn’t need to say please, it was Clarke’s job to follow orders after all. 

“Right.” Clarke brushed her hands up against her pants, her palms uncomfortably sweaty all of a sudden. 

“Would you like some breakfast?” Lexa asked as she motioned to the spread large enough for three people on the table. 

They played this game every time, but Lexa would always ask regardless of the answer always being the same.

“No, thank you. I ate already this morning. Would you like me to fix you a plate?

Lexa sighed and looked to the towels on the floor that slowly changed to the dark colour of the tea they soaked up. 

“I think that would be for the best. If I break anything else Ruth won’t be pleased.”

Lexa took a seat at one of the chairs. She looked so small being the only occupant at such a grand table. Clarke couldn’t help but think she looked kind of lonely. 

She started dishing up a healthy serving onto the commanders plate when Lexa decided to brake the ice. 

“Clarke, I’d like to speak with you about what you discussed with Titus, and.. Indra?” 

Clarke was lucky she had a good hold on the plate in her hands, otherwise it would have joined the mess she cleaned up only moments ago. She didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded in agreeance. 

She put the plate down in front of Lexa before she did end up dropping it, and fussed around with cutlery and pouring a glass of juice to keep herself occupied. When she put the cup down next to Lexa’s plate, a tanned, calloused hand took her own to stop her from walking away again. 

“Sit with me, please?”

She hated it when Lexa used manners. Especially now when it made her feel guilty for looking like she might refuse the offer. 

Lexa picked up her fork and started to push food around on her plate, cutting it with the blunt side into pieces small enough to feed a bird. 

“Before I say anything else. I just want you to know that there’s no one else in the world I trust more than you.” Lexa met her eyes for a moment as if to check she were listening, then went back to eying her mess of a plate. 

“When we first met, even before I became commander, you were the only person I wanted to share things with. My night blood had chosen me the path of a warrior and hardened me considerably with the training I had to go through. With the choices I had to make..” 

Clarke instinctively reached down and grabbed Lexa’s clenched hand that had still been uselessly pushing around food on her plate. She was sure Lexa would have bent the fork if she put any more pressure on it. 

“I know.” Clarke offered. Smiling encouragingly at Lexa while her heart threatened to escape from her chest.

Lexa’s hand gave a light squeeze in recognition. 

“I want you to know that I don’t expect any of the things from you that Indra may have spoken about. I merely implied that there wasn’t anyone I would even consider opening myself up to other than you.” 

Lexa met her gaze fully at last. The importance of her words shining through in a combination of stern and soft. Clarke felt her heart thump a little bit harder.

“If there’s something I can help with Lexa, I want to. This job means more to me then any other would. And not because you’re the commander, but because you’re, you. For me, there isn’t anyone else I trust more either. Let me help you.” 

Despite how long they had known each other and been in a regular close proximity, they had never spoken so honestly before. Lexa never let it be too professional. After all she chose Clarke for the job because they were already friends and had built that trust. But this felt different in a way Clarke never knew could be so satisfying. 

“Ok.” Lexa nodded, visibly happy with how the conversation was playing out. “But on one condition.” 

Clarke could feel her face morph into a puzzled look, and she nodded. 

“This is not part of your job, we proceed as friends. And I want it to be equally beneficial for the both of us. You’re here all the time, just like me. I’m sure your struggles regarding this topic are fairly similar.” 

Lexa’s subtle question didn’t go unnoticed, but Clarke didn’t really know how to answer it. Her statement was entirely true, but was she ready for someone to touch her?

“Im pretty sure have about as much experience as you do. But why don’t we start with helping you, and I can see what I’m comfortable with as we progress?”

Clarke was proud of herself for making such requests to the commander. But in this instance, Lexa was her friend, not the leader of the 13 clans. 

Lexa looked like she was trying to hide her disappointment through a tight smile and too many bows of her head, but Clarke saw right through it. She was an expert on all things Lexa, which was kind of the point of the exercise. 

Clarke stood up from the table and let her hand slip from Lexa’s even though it felt like letting go of one of her own limbs. She had to start her duties for the day or she’d be there all night. The was an awkward silence after she rose, but Lexa had finally pierced some of the food with her fork with the intention of eating it. 

“Will you be ok in here if I start work, little Goufa? 

Clarke didn’t want to walk off feeling uncomfortable. But she mostly didn’t want to walk off while Lexa still looked upset. She was happy when the smile bloomed on Lexa’s lips as a reaction to her question. 

“Yes Clarke, I will be fine.” 

Clarke smiled back and started to walk towards the door that lead to the commanders living rooms when Lexa spoke again.

“Oh, and Clarke. Your afternoon duties have been taken care of. I saw to it this morning that someone attended to them while you were held up.”

Clarke’s chest blossomed with affection at the considerate action. Normally her duties were hers alone and fell on her to stay back if they weren’t completed. Well, she knows Lexa would never force her to stay. But she didn’t feel comfortable leaving when things needed to be done. 

She was about to say thank you when Lexa started up again.

“If you have time, I would be delighted if you’d dine with me tonight. I have already made arrangements with Ruth to make lamb pies, but I can have her wrap some up with you to take home if you’d prefer.”

Lexa was sly, Clarke would give her that. Asking the chef to make her favourite food and delegating some of her work. She would have made a witty remark if she knew Lexa’s intentions were anything other than making her happy. Though now she wasn’t sure if there was another reason Lexa wanted to spend time with her tonight. She thought she might have had more time to prepare.

Although she wouldn’t have a clue how to actually prepare. It was more mentally than anything else. She swallowed down her nervousness, and excitement at the thought of spending a night in Lexa’s company. 

“I’d love to. You know her gravy makes me weak.” Clarke laughed, offering a sideward glance in Lexa’s direction.

“That’s ok, I’ll always be here to offer you strength.” 

Clarke smiled so wide her cheeks hurt, secretly wishing for something she knew she would never have.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since you guys have been so nice with the comments and kudos, here's the next chapter already. I wrote it in a couple of sittings today and it turned out to be longer than I planned so I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, I wanted to get it posted before I went to bed!

Lexa had been in a meeting when Clarke finished her jobs for the day and collected her pay from Titus. He looked displeased that she had finished so early compared to how late she would usually stay, but it was still later then most of the other staff hung around. 

She was surprised to find a few extra coins in her hand than usual and knew that Titus would never have handed more over by accident. At first she felt sick thinking that her increase in pay had something to do with the conversation earlier on in the day. But when she asked what it had been for, Titus told her Lexa had requested it a few days prior. Something about making up for the overtime she always did. 

He acted like it came out of his own pocket when he paid her, but she had learnt long ago to ignore his reactions. She felt that comfortable clench in her chest again. Clarke knew she was already paid more than most of the other staff in the tower. And she knew that Lexa saw personally to that after her parents had died and left her to fend for herself. 

She wanted to go home and change before coming back to the tower for dinner, so she rushed to try and beat the sun slowly dropping on the horizon. Lexa always ate promptly when the sun disappeared. She would refuse meetings at night while she was in Polis if she could help it. Claiming that it was her time for rest and reflection. Though she usually worked in her study through the night anyway. 

The streets were bustling with overly excited vendors and equally excited patrons that had purses full of coins to spend. But Clarke ignored the delicious smells and beautiful clothes in her haste. She lived to the north of the tower in a smaller area that was built around a lake. 

Most of the other people who lived there were wealthy, but she supposed being the Heda’s personal maid warranted a heavy discount. She never felt unwelcomed despite it being completely a few steps above her social status. Everyone was friendly and mostly left her to her own devices. 

She wasn’t sure if that was in fear of the commander’s wrath or because they were genuinely nice. She never had enough time to stick around and find out. 

Her house was elevated at the top of a small hill that overlooked the lake and had a good view of the forest. Most afternoons she would sit in the old wooden chair on the front porch. It had once belonged to her father so gave her comfort when she needed it. But the chair was the oldest part of the house, which was relatively new itself.  
The newness puzzled her when she first moved in. She often wondered why the owners didn’t move in themselves, but didn’t mind so much when she started to make it her own and quickly fell in love with the space. 

As she approached her front door, she noticed that the gardens surrounding the house had been pruned and the vegetable crops had been picked and left in a round basket on the table next to her father’s chair. 

It had been happening since she moved in, so she guessed there was someone who looked after everyone’s gardens around the lake. Even so, she would regularly leave small treats and notes of thanks to the mystery gardener. 

Her house was comfortably warm when she walked into it and went straight into her bedroom to strip off and change her clothes. The air outside had a chill to it so she opted for long leather pants, a comfortable shirt and pull over coat that she could remove when she got back to the tower. 

She redid her hair by pulling the top part off her face and tying it back but leaving most of the bottom part to fall around her shoulders. Then she grabbed her keys and left the house again before it got so dark that she would need to light candles to see. 

Flickering torches lit the way back to the palace, and Clarke felt herself getting nervous. She didn’t often dine with Lexa, so she was excited to spend time with her on a personal level. But at the same time, she was unsure of Lexa’s expectations for the night. 

A guard stopped her when she reached the towers entrance. She hadn’t seen him before so assumed he was new. But he looked pissed that she had just walked straight past him.

“I have an engagement with Heda.” She told him when he asked what she was doing there. 

“Nobody disturbs the Heda at night. Come back tomorrow and try to get an appointment with her.” He started walking towards her, so close that it forced her to take steps back to avoid colliding with him. 

“Quint!” 

The guard turned around to face Ryder who was approaching them. Quints back went as straight as a spear.

“This is Clarke. She is Heda’s personal handmaid. If she comes into the tower, you let her in immediately.” Ryder levelled Quint with a petrifying glare. “Understood?” 

Quint gulped down viciously and nodded his head, stepping back from Clarke and letting her through. 

“Thank you Ryder, good night.” She smiled at him and made a point to ignore Quint completely as she stepped towards the elevator. 

“Good night Clarke.” Ryder replied. She saw him smack Quint up the side of the head before the elevator doors closed and started their ascent towards Lexa’s quarters. 

She was met with a decadent smell that almost had her drooling as soon as the elevator doors opened. Clarke would consider herself a good cook, but she was no match for Ruth. It was only fitting that the commander would have the best chef in all of the clans at her disposal. 

The woman had a rare talent for making every bite taste like the rush of the first bite all over again. And Clarke couldn’t wait for dinner. 

She knocked on the door to the dining room. Since she wasn’t there for work, it felt rude to walk straight in even though she had gone through the same door thousands of times. Instead of someone calling out as she expected, the door opened to reveal a radiant smile and two eyes of her favourite shade of green. 

Lexa was still wearing her commander gear, like she had just finished her duties for the day. She looked intimidating in it, and Clarke would never admit the kind of reaction it created in her. The relaxed body posture and aura pure happiness were very unlike the Heda most peoples saw though. 

“Clarke. You don’t have to knock, you know.” Lexa smirked and stepped aside to let Clarke through the door. 

Clarke blushed but didn’t say anything as she followed her nose to the delicious spread awaiting them on the table. Her eyes landed on a large pie at the end of the table between two chairs facing each other. There were so many other dishes too that Clarke could barely wait to taste. She could still see steam rising from the plates and knew that she must have just missed the kitchen staff. 

She hadn’t realised she was standing like an idiot staring at the food until she felt a comforting hand on the small of her back. 

“Are you ready to eat?” 

Clarke could only nod at she took her seat opposite Lexa. She looked from one plate to the next, not knowing where to start. Without thought, she reached for Lexa’s plate first so she could dish up her food like she always did. But Lexa took a hold of it first.

“Let me, please. Tonight, you are my guest.”

Clarke could feel the same blush as before making an appearance. She smiled shyly at Lexa and said a timid “thank you.” 

Lexa put a large piece of lamb pie on her plate first, followed by a portion of the side dishes. There were honeyed root vegetables, mashed potatoes, freshly bakes bread, a salad that looked like it had just been picked, and a few other things she didn’t recognise but couldn’t wait to try. Then there was the extra pie gravy that Lexa put a healthy portion of on top of her pie and vegetables.

She was surprised that Lexa remembered that she liked it not just in the pie itself. It made her happy knowing she wouldn’t have to awkwardly reach for more after Lexa had already given her the plate.

“Someone must have gone out specially to get this lamb. I know we only keep a few sheep here for cheeses, milk and wool.” Clarke felt herself salivate at the large plate placed in front of her. She had skipped lunch for the day without even realising until her stomach growled its defiance. 

Lexa started to dish up her own plate. “I went out after breakfast and got one from the next village over. I had some spare time this morning.” She shrugged like it was nothing, but Clarke could see the rose dusting on her cheeks. 

“I bet Titus loved that.” Clarke chuckled, trying to deflect the conversation away from her unethical feelings for her Heda. 

“He was displeased, but I told him I didn’t care.” Lexa smiled and sat down on her chair. 

She motioned to Clarke’s untouched plate. “Please, eat.” 

Clarke went straight for the pie, moaning at the taste. She had only had it once before, a few months ago when a chief visited from another clan that had a preference for lamb. Lexa had saved her a slice from the dinner, thinking it was something Clarke would enjoy. She had never been righter. 

They ate mostly in silence, talking occasionally about the upcoming yearly clan meeting. Clarke knew that Lexa enjoyed them, but they always took their toll on her. She worked later the nights prior and following the meetings to help Lexa in any way she could. Even if it was just drawing her a bath or making sure she ate dinner. 

By the end of the dinner, Clarke could tell Lexa was getting uncomfortable in her heavy clothing. She was pulling at sleeves and readjusting her pauldron. 

“Why don’t I draw you a bath, then I can come back and clean up?” 

Lexa paused and looked at Clarke like it was the best offer she had received all day. But, she was stubborn. 

“You don’t have to do that Clarke. I’m perfectly capable of drawing one up myself. And forget about the food. Someone will be up from the kitchens shortly to do that.” 

Clarke, as it turned out, could be just as stubborn as the commander. “Ok, I’ll leave the food, but I insist on the bath. Think of it as a thank you for the dinner. I’ll even put in that special mix of oils you like so much.”

Clarke knew Lexa wouldn’t be able to resist that. She never specifically asked for Clarke to get her baths ready, and she usually took one after Clarke had left for the night. But Clarke enjoyed doing it for her whenever she had the opportunity, knowing how much Lexa enjoyed how she mixed the scented oils. 

Lexa slumped back into her chair and nodded, a grateful expression on her face. “Ok. Thank you Clarke.” 

Clarke winked at her and left to make her way to Lexa’s bathing chambers just off to the side of her bedroom. There were no candles lit in the space so it was dark when she first walked in, but she knew where everything was. She lit more candles then she normally would for herself, knowing that Lexa enjoyed them, and started the water to the bathtub.  
While it started to fill, Clarke went to one of the cabinets off to the side and picked out three different oils. She carefully put a dab of the first two in the bath and a larger amount of the third. By the time she put them back in the cabinet the tub was full enough and Lexa had walked through the doorway. She had taken off everything but her pants and undershirt, her chestnut curls loose and flowing around her shoulders. 

“Ruth sent someone already, and there are some leftovers waiting on the table to take home with you.” 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel the sentence was a suggestion to leave. So, she turned off the water and folded a towel to place on the stool next to the tub for Lexa. 

“Right. Well I better go then. Thank you again for dinner.” She found it hard to hide her disappointment. They had only talked a little over dinner and she had foolishly hoped they might talk longer afterwards. 

“You don’t have to leave yet. I actually left out some paper and charcoals for you to use while I bathe. I won’t be too long.” 

Clarke looked to the floor when Lexa started to pull her undershirt off. 

“Right. I’ll just be in the living area then. Take your time.” 

She caught the barest glimpse of tanned skin and a breast band from the corner of her eye as she left the room. She didn’t close the door behind her and noticed that Lexa hadn’t closed it either. The thought had her pulse thrumming. 

Instead of thinking about her very naked commander a few rooms over, she concentrated on her drawing. Instinct had her craving to draw Lexa, but she didn’t want to use the material the commander had given her to do that. Those drawings were saved for her time on the porch of her house. Not for the room only two open doors away from Lexa. 

So, she drew the lake in front of her house. Concentrating on every detail and not realising how much time had past until the candle next to her flickered to the end of its life. Half an hour had to have passed already. Long enough that the bath water would surely be cold. But Clarke couldn’t hear any sign of Lexa. 

She knocked lightly on the open door to Lexa’s bedroom, careful not to peek inside in case she was in a state of undress. When she received no reply, she ducked her head through the doorway. No sign of her, and the door to the bathroom was still wide open. 

Clarke gulped as she approached the bathroom entrance. Lexa never stayed in the bath for that long, so she worried that something might be wrong. Instead of knocking again like she should have, she peered into the bathroom. Lexa was laying comfortably with her hands on either side of the tub and her head leaning back. There were enough bubbles in there still that she didn’t see anything she hadn’t already before. 

Not that she thought Lexa would overly care. Most of their tribe were uncaring of nakedness, but it was different with someone you were attracted to. And Clarke didn’t want to perve. Knowing there was sufficient coverage of Lexa, she walked into the bathing chamber. 

Lexa hadn’t noticed her but had a nervous look on her face. It was intense, like she was contemplating something. Her eyes didn’t move from their place as Clarke got closer, and she wondered what she was looking at.

Clarke followed her line of site to something sticking up out of the bath water and above the bubbles. She gasped when she realised what it was. Lexa penis was hard and standing at attention. Small droplets of water stuck to the shaft and the angry red tip at the end. 

Lexa’s eyes widened when she heard the gasp. Her eyes moved from Clarke to where she stared and immediately pushed herself down under the bath water.

“Clarke! What are you..” 

“I’m sorry!” Clarke spun around, facing away from Lexa. “You didn’t come back out and I got worried. I’ll leave. Sorry.” 

“Clarke, stop. Please.”

There she goes with those manners again. Clarke stopped just shy of the doorway but didn’t turn around to face Lexa again.

“You obviously saw the reason I didn’t leave the tub. I was embarrassed and was waiting for it to go away on it’s own. I’m sorry.”

Clarke exhaled, trying to rid her mind of the incredibly arousing sight she just witnessed, but not really wanting to. 

“You don’t need to apologise. You can’t exactly control it.” 

Her conversation with Indra this morning came to her mind and made her shudder in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable.

“I know. But it happens way more often than I’d like.” She could hear Lexa sigh from behind her.

“I can wait outside if you want to take care of it. I don’t mind.” She did mind, but only because she couldn’t see. 

“I don’t” Lexa paused. “I don’t really know what to do with it.”

Her voice sounded so small that it pained Clarke. She cleared her throat.

“Have you tried, you know, touching it to see what you like?” Clarke leaned against the doorframe for some much-needed stability. 

“Not really. I’m always too tired after my meetings and it usually sorts itself out when I sleep. But lately it’s been more painful when I leave it.” 

She had already decided earlier on in the day that she was going to help Lexa. And knowing it was causing her pain and discomfort further cemented her decision. 

“I can help, if you’d like. We’ve already talked about it, and I’m willing.”

Silence filled the room so thickly that Clarke could hear the candles flicker. After a few moments, she was about to suggest again that she leave. 

“How?” Was all Lexa said.

Clarke thought it over, her back still facing away from Lexa. 

“Why don’t you get out of the tub, put your towel on and meet me in your room?” She chanced a glance behind her towards the tub where Lexa was nodding soundlessly. 

“Ok, just give me a minute.” 

Clarke nodded too, despite knowing that Lexa wouldn’t be able to see it. She left to give Lexa some privacy and took a seat at the end of her large bed to wait. Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it resonating in her ears, and she could feel uncomfortable dampness between her legs. 

A few minutes later, Lexa came into the room wrapped in only her towel. Clarke’s attention went straight to the obvious tent between Lexa’s legs and she salivated for the second time that night. When Lexa stopped walking towards her, Clarke met her eyes. 

Clarke had never seen the commander so obviously rattled before. It was as if a rainbow of emotions were trying to surface but none shone through more than the other. She pat the spot next to her on the bed in invitation. 

Lexa smelt heavenly as she sat down on the offered space. 

“You really don’t have to do this Clarke.”

Apart from her parent’s being alive, Clarke couldn’t think of anything more she ever wanted. Except maybe more than just a sexual relationship with Lexa. But she would take what she was given. 

With a confidence she didn’t know she possessed, Clarke pushed Lexa’s chest so she was laying back on the bed with her legs dangled off the edge. Lexa looked just as surprised as Clarke felt by the act of dominance, but neither mentioned it. 

“Can I?” Clarke hovered her hand over the towel where Lexa’s bulge stood even straighter than before. 

Lexa swallowed harshly but nodded her approval.

Clarke didn’t waste any time peeling back the towel from around Lexa’s legs. She left the top part covered, not wanting to seem more eager then she actually was. Her first reaction at seeing Lexa’s bare, powerful legs and the shaved proud cock standing between them was to groan. But she somehow managed to turn it more into a deep hum. 

“Tell me if you don’t like something.” She made an effort not to look into Lexa’s eyes too long in fear of getting lost in them. But she waited long enough for Lexa to agree. 

She had seen plenty of penises before when warriors would bathe in the lake in front of her house. But she had never touched one and didn’t know how to go about it either. Lexa’s looked smoother than the others she had seen. The head was a perfect shade to match her tanned skin and the shaft was thick with a vein on the underside and a few less prominent ones on the sides. She didn’t know if they were supposed to be longer when they were aroused because Lexa’s was longer than most she had seen. Her shapely balls sat snugly underneath the shaft, not dangling like she had seen with others. 

She thought about what she liked when she would put her fingers inside herself. A steady back and forward glide that she built up as she reached climax. 

Clarke reached down and grabbed the shaft in her hand, a deep moan resounded from Lexa as soon as her fingers curled around it. It felt softer than she had imagined. And she had imagined it. She began to stroke up and down, stopping before she got to the angry looking head because it looked too sore to touch. 

Lexa’s powerful hands were clenched in the sheets beside her. Her head tipped back, eyes closed and her mouth wide open. She would occasionally let a moan slip free, but she looked as though she were trying to hold back from letting them out. 

Clarke was pleased that Lexa was enjoying herself. But part of her was mad at herself for suggesting that she didn’t want to be touched back. Her core throbbed and ached for attention, jealous of her hand that worked Lexa to release. 

Small droplets of clear, white fluid started to pool on the divot of Lexa’s head and fall onto the shaft, making the drag of her hand a much easier task. She started to pump faster, careful to note that the strokes were easier and her hand reached the tip much faster. 

Lexa panted like she was running a marathon, and the towel slowly started to peel back from her upper body with the way she thrashed. Sweaty abs came into view just above Lexa’s cock and Clarke actually moaned. She was glad that Lexa didn’t seem to notice, too caught up in her own pleasure. 

But the distraction made Clarke misjudge her strokes. Without realising, her hand travelled all the way up Lexa’s shaft and squeezed the head. Lexa bucked so hard the towel fell open right under her boobs. Her eyes rolled back into her head so far that Clarke could only see white. Then moments later an incredibly deep moan escaped from Lexa’s lips, followed by streams of liquid spilling out from Lexa’s tip. 

Clarke kept stroking, milking the shaft of everything it had to give. She only stopped when it tapered off and Lexa put a hand on her wrist. 

She looked at the mess splattered across her hand and Lexa’s thighs and couldn’t help but wonder what it tasted like. She would have brought her hand up to try it, but Lexa chose that moment to finally open her eyes. 

They were tired but incredibly satisfied. A lazy grin spread over her face.

“Was that ok?” Clarke asked, feeling inadequate all of a sudden. 

Lexa nodded. She reached down to clean up the mess on her thighs with her towel first, before taking Clarke’s hand in her own and carefully wiping it off there too. She then proceeded to close the towel back over her body. 

“That was incredible. Thank you. I have never felt more at ease before. I think I will sleep well tonight.” 

Clarke matched Lexa’s sleepy smile with her own. She could tell that the commander was struggling to stay upright and felt bad for keeping her awake. 

“You’re welcome. I hope it helped.” She stepped up off the bed, feeling the stickiness between her thighs as she did. “Get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Lexa looked like she wanted to protest, but a large yawn cut her off. 

“Ask Ryder to walk you home” Lexa scooched her body further up the bed so she could lay her head on the pillows. 

“Lexa I’m fine to..”

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

Clarke huffed. She couldn’t really be annoyed when Lexa only cared about her safety. 

“Fine. Good night Lexa.”

Lexa mumbled out something that sounded like ‘night Clarke’. But it didn’t come out clearly over her tiredness.

Clarke chuckled, collected the food left out in the dining room for her, and took the elevator down to meet Ryder.

She barely had the mind to put the food away when she got home. It was impossible to think about anything but the stickiness and pounding between her legs. When she started touching herself, it took less than a minute to reach release with the thoughts what she had done with Lexa. 

She fell asleep thinking she was ruined for anyone else now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently upgraded my phone and was devastated to find out that the Fanfic Pocket app isn't supported anymore! Has this happened to anyone else? If so what do you use to read AO3 on your mobile?
> 
> Here's a new chapter in exchange for some answers. That seems fair, right?

A week had passed since the night Lexa invited Clarke over for dinner. A whole week of awkward half smiles and tiptoeing around each other. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was just that neither of them seemed to know where they stood in each other’s eyes. Well, that was how Clarke felt anyway. She just assumed Lexa was of the same mindset. 

Her feelings for her Heda had grown more in that past week than she ever could have anticipated. And it scared her that it might continue to grow until she could no longer do her job properly with such a heavy secret on her shoulders. She had given up trying to convince herself that Lexa didn’t mean anything to her after the next day.

Touching Lexa in a way that no one else was allowed to made her feel more special than she probably should have. She was still just Lexa’s handmaid after all. Sure, they were friends, but that didn’t give her any more right to Lexa’s heart than someone of a higher stature to Clarke. 

So it was almost unbearable for her the night of the yearly clan meeting. Following the official meeting that was closed off to the commander and clan leaders only, there was a standing dinner, served by people running around with wide plates of food small enough to hold in your hand. At least a hundred people were there, all from well-known families or descendants of the clan leaders themselves. And then there was Costia kom Trikru, Indra’s niece. 

She barely left Lexa’s side the whole night, which was a painful ordeal for Clarke who couldn’t exactly walk away and strike up a conversation with someone else. Her sole purpose was to attend to the Heda’s needs so it would be frowned upon if she were to be seen helping elsewhere. Lexa didn’t look uncomfortable in her presence. If anything, she seemed happy to have someone to talk to that was around the same age, and from the same clan. 

It was one of the reasons Clarke got on with Lexa so well too. But neither of them knew the girl before tonight. And Clarke was determined to never see her again. 

Throughout the night, Lexa kept wordlessly checking on Clarke. Sending her glances filled with something Clarke couldn’t quite place. It was almost pained in a way, but she put it down to the bore of having to entertain a room full of people. At one stage she even told Clarke she could go home if she wanted, but Clarke refused. 

She told herself it was her duty, and not because she secretly wanted to be as close to Lexa for as long as possible.

“So, what does our great Heda do for fun when she isn’t taking care of the clans?” Costia asked, bright eyed and hanging off every word Lexa had spoken through the night. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. Flattery would get her nowhere with Lexa. 

But to her surprise, Lexa smiled. And not the pained kind she would force in the presence of someone she didn’t particularly like, but the small kind that usually Clarke was only treated to.

“I like to read. Have dinner with friends. Nothing out of the ordinary.” Lexa said.

Clarke’s chest filled with butterflies at the mention of dinner with friends. But she stood silently behind Lexa like any dutiful handmaid would. 

“Dinner with friends, huh? What I wouldn’t give to be considered for such an honour.” Costia smiled bashfully, twirling a strand of dark hair that was left out of her glamorously tied bun. 

“Yes, well. Perhaps when you are in Polis again you would like to join me. I do enjoy hearing about what is happening in Trikru other than the things Indra tells me.” 

The butterflies in Clarke’s chest started to travel up and get lodged in her throat like a heavy rock she couldn’t’ swallow. She didn’t mind Lexa having other friends, did she?

She had other friends too. But none of them looked at her like Costia was looking at Lexa. 

“I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I’m actually free tomorrow night if you don’t already have prior engagements?” 

Clarke was almost ready to answer the question on Lexa’s behalf. She knew how much Heda detested giving up her nights. So the commanders response had Clarke so obviously put out that she had to reel herself back in. 

“That would be perfect. Come to the tower at sunset and I’ll have one of my guards escort you.” 

Costia looked like the Lexa had just asked for her hand in marriage. Her smile so wide Clarke could have shoved half a tray of the tiny food being served into her open mouth. 

“Tomorrow, then. Reshop Heda.” Costia bowed before leaving, her smile plastered on so tight it could crack. 

She hadn’t realised how late it had gotten. Most of the guests had already left for the night and the only ones left were heavily intoxicated. 

“Clarke? Are you alright?”

Clarke snapped her eyes up towards Lexa and thought about the question. She checked herself over quickly to make sure she hadn’t spilled anything on herself without realising. 

“Yes I’m fine. Why do you ask?” 

Lexa reached out a hand to place it gently on Clarke’s forearm. 

“You look unhappy. I apologise for keeping you so late tonight. If you’d like, you can take the day off tomorrow. I can have Titus find someone to help me.” 

The commanders hand burned her skin in the best way. Like she had been standing in a blizzard and it was the only source of warmth. Her green eyes looked worryingly sincere and Clarke couldn’t understand how Lexa knew she was feeling put out.

“I don’t think I could stay away if I tried. I’d probably just spend the whole day fretting about the replacement not doing a good enough job.” 

Lexa smiled and the mood lifted instantly.

“I suppose you are right. Well then have breakfast with me tomorrow morning. I will organise it with Edith so you only need to turn up. Then you can start work afterwards.”

Clarke opened her mouth to object, but a graceful hand rose to stop her.

“If you were going to decline, then consider it part of your duties tomorrow. I prefer to dine with good company when I can.”

Clarke felt herself blush but couldn’t help but wonder if she was referring to her dinner with Costia tomorrow night. She made sure to hide her features in case Lexa were to insist she didn’t come to work tomorrow. 

“Ok.” Clarke smiled. 

Lexa reached forward to tuck a golden strand behind her ear. Clarke’s whole body shivered in response. The commander then put a gentle hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the door.

“Gustus will walk you home. I have already organised it. Good night Klark.” 

In that moment, Clarke had to use every piece of willpower she possessed not to embrace her Heda for the first time in front of the lingering guests. Instead, she nodded and tried not to look foolish.

“Reshop, Lexa.” 

******

Clarke was early for breakfast. So early that she helped Edith’s staff bring the breakfast up to Lexa’s dining room. She couldn’t help herself, if she was going to be treated to a breakfast she didn’t make, then she would help with it in some way. The last thing she wanted was for everyone else in the tower to treat her differently because they thought she was getting special treatment. 

But when Lexa pushed through the doors from her living area into the dining room, Clarke pretended she had only just arrived. The raised eyebrow and smirk on Lexa’s face showed how much her façade had worked. 

It was one of the nicest meals she had ever shared with Lexa. Not because of the food, although it had been amazing. But because of how light-hearted and fun it was. They spoke about things that had happened to them growing up. When Lexa would sneak into the armouries to practice with a steel sword and Clarke would keep an eye out for her. The time they were caught and their parents weren’t all that mad about it but made a show of saying they would be punished. 

Clarke wished she could have spent the whole day like that. In blissful ignorance of both of their duties. But when Titus let himself into the room in a flurry, the illusion broke, and everything went back to normal. Lexa had apologised about needing to leave so suddenly, and Clarke pretended that it didn’t bother her. 

So she threw herself into work for the rest of the day as a distraction. A distraction that turned out poorly because her thoughts kept returning to Lexa more than they usually did. She couldn’t stop thinking about that night a week ago when she held Lexa’s most intimate body part in her hand and brought her release. 

Everything had changed for her after that. The feelings she had worked so hard to contain broke from their confines and would never be repaired. She wanted Lexa. In every way. She dreamed about kissing her for the first time. Dreamed about Lexa calloused hands on her body. She would be gentle and considerate, Clarke knew. And she scolded herself for giving away what might have been her only chance to experience that. 

The day passed in a flurry of work and thoughts she couldn’t keep at bay. And she hadn’t seen Lexa since breakfast. There were plenty of days like that, when her duties would see her working through lunch and not returning to her rooms until dinner. But Clarke missed her more than she usually did after this morning. 

She decided to hang around and make sure Lexa ate dinner and didn’t need her assistance with anything else. Perhaps run her another bath…. Clarke scolded herself and pushed back the thought.

When she heard a knock at the door to the dining room, she opened it to let a few of Edith’s staff in with Lexa’s dinner. Only there was a lot more food then there would normally be for the commander herself. That’s when she remembered. Lexa had invited Costia for dinner. Her heart sank. Gone were the plans she had made for the night. 

As if summoned, Costia arrived a moment later, Lexa in tow. They had arrived together. Like they had been spending time together prior to that. They were laughing about something Clarke knew she would find entirely not funny. 

“Clarke. I thought you may have gone home already.” Lexa said. She was smiling, but that probably had something to do with the woman next to her.  
Clarke didn’t know she could feel any worse than she had a moment ago. She took Lexa’s words for what they were, an invitation to leave. 

“Sorry. I had some things to finish up. I’ll leave you to it.” 

She heard Costia mumble something about being rude, but she didn’t see Lexa’s smile fall when she all but barged through the door and went straight to the elevator. And thankfully since Lexa had only just arrived, the elevator was already on their level. Her foot tapped impatiently against the floor of the elevator while it took her back down to the ground. She wanted to be as far away as possible, as quickly as possible. 

When she got back down to the ground level, she ignored the guards completely and left the tower as swiftly as she could without running. It was only a dinner. For all she knew, Lexa might have needed Costia for something related to the clans. She nodded to herself even though she didn’t believe it. Lexa had looked entirely too happy when she arrived, and the way Costia looked at the commander spoke for itself. 

She didn’t take note of the vendors or people she walked past on her way home. Clarke was on a mission to hide in her house and pretend like nothing had happened. And that would have been all well and good, but when she got to her front porch, she realised that she didn’t have her keys. 

She had left all of her things back at the tower. 

“Jok.” Clarke let her head fall against the door. 

She could go back and send one of the guards up. That way she wouldn’t have to disturb Lexa’s dinner meeting. She huffed and nodded her forehead against the wooden door. 

Her walk back to the tower was slower then when she had left. This time, she was in no rush to go back. She swore for the second time that night when there was only one guard at the entrance. The other clearly sent off to do something else. 

There had to be at least one guard posted at the entrance of the tower at all times. So she knew she couldn’t send him up to get her things. 

“Jok jok jok.” Clarke whispered to herself as she got back into the elevator and clicked on Lexa’s level.

She knocked on the door to the dining room and waited for confirmation to come in. After a few long moments she knocked again when she hadn’t heard anything. Still nothing. She wondered if maybe they had moved the dinner to somewhere else. The thought sat heavily with Clarke and once again she shook it off. 

She always left her keys in the dining room cupboard anyway. If there was no one in there anymore she could just let herself in and grab them quickly. She’d be home again before she knew it. 

Decision made, Clarke pushed open the door just wide enough to slip through. But the room wasn’t empty like she had expected it to be. No, they were still there. But dinner was long forgotten. 

Lexa was on her chair and Costia was straddling her, kissing her neck and running her hand up and down one of Lexa’s thighs. The commander had a tight hold on Costia’s sides and had her eyes closed so she hadn’t noticed Clarke’s arrival. 

She must have made a noise without realising, because Costia spun her head around and glared at her so viciously Clarke could feel it like a slap to the face. Lexa’s eyes opened a moment later and grew comically wide. 

“Sorry. I forgot my keys and couldn’t get into my house. I’ll just…” Clarke did run that time. She got her keys from the cupboard and ran back out to the elevator, completely forgetting to shut the door. 

She saw Lexa hurry through the dining room and into the hallway a moment before the elevator door closed and started taking her down again. Lexa should know that Clarke wasn’t going to tell anyone what she saw. So going after her was ridiculous. She looked just as panicked as Clarke felt, but for completely different reasons.

Clarke had never understood why people described a particular kind of sorrow as a broken heart. But she felt it. Her heart felt like it was in a vice slowly closing in on itself. Tears that she had no chance stopping flowed freely down her cheeks. She wanted to hit something. 

The elevator doors opened to ground level and Clarke ran. She didn’t care about causing a scene anymore. She just needed to be in the comfort of her home, underneath the covers of her bed so she could block out everything else. People cleared a path for her as she ran past them. A few even called out to ask if she was ok, but she ignored them. 

If she had only just remembered to take her keys with her, she wouldn’t have had to see that. Sure, she probably would have heard about it at some stage. But that was much different to witnessing it with her own eyes. She wasn’t even sure how she would go to work the next day. Would Lexa pretend nothing had happened, or would she try to talk to Clarke about it?

She didn’t think she could handle talking about it. Maybe she would take Lexa up on her offer for time off after all. She could take a horse and go to the ocean. Maybe visit Floukru and learn how to catch fish.

When she got home, she noticed another basket of crops waiting on her porch that she hadn’t seen before. She sighed, wiped away the pool of tears on her chin and grabbed the basket. There were strawberries in there that she knew didn’t come from her garden. She popped one in her mouth and opened her front door. 

The moon was bright enough through the windows that she could see where she was going, so she didn’t bother with candles. She knew she was going to bathe and go straight to bed anyway. She put the basket of fruits and vegetables on her table and took a few more of the strawberries from it. Eating was the last thing on her mind, but she knew if she didn’t have something she would regret it tomorrow.

Clarke went into the small washroom off her bedroom and started running her bath. She continued eating strawberries and removing her clothes at the same time. When there was a good mixture of bubbles and water in the tub, she slipped into it and sighed. 

Her face felt sticky with tears, so it was the firs thing she cleaned with the bath water. After that, she could barely be bothered with the rest. She just let herself relax in the warm water and tried not to think about what she had seen. 

So she started planning her getaway instead. Tomorrow morning she would go to the tower and tell Lexa she wanted a few weeks off. She would help her find someone suitable to carry on her duties while she was away but when that was done she would leave. 

Just as she was considering leaving the bath and slipping into bed, there was a knock on her front door. It startled her so much that some of the bath water dripped onto the floor. No one ever visited her at home, not this late. And her friends would always check with her before coming over because of her unusual work hours. She decided to ignore it, and it stopped for a few moments before it became more urgent.

Clarke sighed and looked for her towel, but before she had a chance to get up out of the bath, she heard the front door open. Now, instead of reaching for her towel, she was looking around for something she could use to defend herself.

“Klark?” 

She paused. Had Lexa really thought it was so important to come and find her tonight? Did she not already know that Clarke would keep her mouth shut? Her thoughts made her forget to reply, and Lexa came bursting through her door, only to turn around a second later when she realised Clarke was in the bath.

“Klark. Sorry, I didn’t know you were indecent.” 

It was a strange sight, seeing her Heda standing in her bathing chambers dressed for a meeting with someone of importance. She looked out of place somewhere like this. 

“It’s ok. I’ve seen you in the bath plenty of times. But you really didn’t need to come all the way down here, I’m not going to tell anyone what I saw. We’re friends, Lexa. I would never betray you like that.”

Lexa shook her head, braids swishing with the force of it. She was still facing away from Clarke. 

“I was not worried about that. I wanted to explain that what you saw was not how it appeared. Titus had convinced Costia to come onto me. She had only just… when you arrived. I did not want what happened, and I told her to leave straight after you did.” 

Clarke felt lighter at the admission. The vice on her heart started winding back a little. But she didn’t understand why Lexa thought it was necessary to leave the tower without a guard to tell her something she didn’t have to.

“You didn’t have to come all this way to tell me that. It’s none of my business who you have in your bed.” 

She tried to keep the malice out of her voice, but when Lexa flinched she guessed she didn’t do a very good job.

“Oh. I just thought, after.. never mind. I’m sorry to have disturbed you.” 

Lexa made to leave, but Clarke found herself wanting to hear what Lexa was going to say.

“Wait. Don’t leave, please. And turn around, I promise I’m decent.” 

Lexa turned her head first as if she thought Clarke was lying, then turned around fully. Her eyes were dull and she hung her head low. She looked so defeated, and Clarke wanted to do anything she could to make her smile. She reached a hand towards Lexa and to her surprise, Lexa took it and kneeled next to the bath to face her. Heda never kneeled for anyone. 

“Why are you really here, Lex?” 

Lexa kept her head down, gaze directed at their still joined hands. 

“I needed you to know that I don’t want Costia. I saw how you looked when you found us, and I thought… I thought that maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was. I didn’t even let her kiss me the way she wanted to.”

Clarke felt her heart speed up inside her chest. Was this really happening? She didn’t want to assume anything and risk being completely wrong, so she squeezed Lexa’s hand so she knew it was ok to continue.

Green eyes finally met her own, and they were already more vibrant than they had been a moment ago. 

“Even since before what happened last week, I have had feelings for you, Klark. I just never thought you felt the same. But last night, when I invited Costia to dinner, you were upset. And then tonight.. gods I am so sorry about tonight.”

Clarke felt tears threatening to break free again, but for the opposite reason. She let go of Lexa’s hand and shakily reached out to caress her cheek. Lexa visibly relaxed and moved into the touch.

“I have feelings for you too Lexa. But I don’t deserve you. You’re the Heda. Our people expect you to put them first. And if you ever were to be with someone, they would want it to be someone more than just a handmaid.”

Lexa mirrored her but instead of touching Clarke’s cheek, she slid her fingers around the back of her neck and into her damp hair. Clarke shuddered at the feeling. 

“You are my people, Klark. And you deserve more than I can ever give you. But I want to try.”

Clarke couldn’t stop her tears, but Lexa wiped them away before they had a chance to reach her chin. She nodded at the beautiful woman in front of her, unable to form words deserving of what was happening. 

“May I kiss you?” Lexa asked.

Instead of answering, Clarke ran her fingers into the back of Lexa’s braids like she had done to Clarke, and pulled her forward. There was no hesitation on either’s behalf, and their lips met in a soft, exploratory embrace. 

Clarke had always dreamed about how her first kiss would be. And each time it had always been with Lexa. Her soft, plump lips moved against Clarke’s like they belonged together. She tasted of whatever she had eaten for dinner mixed with something completely unique that she knew was entirely Lexa. 

Lexa pulled back to change the angle, their noses brushing together before their lips met again. But when Clarke brought her tongue into play, running along Lexa’s bottom lip, she felt the commander shudder and the kiss ended abruptly. 

“As much as I would love to continue this, I have to go before someone notices I’m gone.” 

They rested their foreheads together, gazing into each other’s eyes like they contained the universe. Clarke brought bother her hands up to join around the base of Lexa’s neck. She kissed her again slowly, unable to part with Lexa now that they had become something more. 

Lexa kissed her back with no hesitation and let Clarke control how long it went for, despite her previous insistence to leave. 

“Will you have breakfast with me again tomorrow?” Lexa asked.

Clarke couldn’t say no even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t. She nodded and turned her head to kiss Lexa once again. She was already addicted to the taste and the feeling of Lexa. 

Lexa groaned against her lips and pulled away. When Clarke pouted, she smiled and kissed her quickly once more. 

“I will see you tomorrow. Enjoy your strawberries.” 

Lexa stood up and glanced down at Clarke. Her cheeks coloured and Clarke noticed that more than half of the bubbles had gone but still covered most of her. She was about to demand Lexa kiss her again when she thought about what Lexa said.

“Wait. How did you know I had strawberries?” Then another thought occurred to her. “And how did you get into my house? I locked it” 

Lexa blushed deeper than Clarke had ever seen before. She cleared her throat before responding. 

“That is a story for another day, Niron. But for now, I must go. Reshop, Klark.” 

She leaned down to kiss Clarke once more before she left, leaving it short enough that Clarke couldn’t pull her down and make it longer. Clarke listened out and heard the lock click into place behind her. Interesting. She couldn’t wait for breakfast tomorrow. 

"Reshop, Heda."


End file.
